Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
