i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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