I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize