Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize