God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
