Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I miss vodka workout Fridays
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
