dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
