dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
