Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Bring me that man meat
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
