absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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