jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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