Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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