party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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