Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
