all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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