The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
