I can tuck mytits in my pants
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
