It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
