Four minutes until I can fart!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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