i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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