If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
