they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
