Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
