the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I've blown a few things in my day
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize