My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize