Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
