I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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