I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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