You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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