Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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