the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
