Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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