Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
