Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
