How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize