he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
