dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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