You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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