Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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