when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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