I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
