We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
