I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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