How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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