apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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