i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
