when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
