so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
