The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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