i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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