Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
