How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
