listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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