Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
