the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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