i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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