I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
