Already got asked if we're dating
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Houston, we have a squirter
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
