I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
