We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
