today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
