Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
