The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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