I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
