i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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