His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
