I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
