I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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