Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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