Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This baby is an asshole
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I FOUND THE LEGS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
