just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
