wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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