The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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