I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
