It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize