I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
