thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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