Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
