doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
