The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize