I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
