Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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