I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
