Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
