the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
