Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
