if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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