Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
