yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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