Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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