Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
