I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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