i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
