Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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