Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
