I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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