like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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