he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I love you. Go after that dick
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
