At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
