I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
