I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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