I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
