Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
